You say you feel guilty about maybe not wanting to have kids; Mine are 16 and 12 now and I love them more than anything anywhere anytime…and yet, lately, I’ve had this overwhelming guilt for bringing them into this screwed up world, during this screwed up time. I worry all the time about when I’m not here to break their falls anymore. I worry about what the world will look like THEN; a world they didn’t create, but since all the people who DID will be dead, a world they’ll be stuck with trying to mend. I genuinely feel like if I had known then what I know now, I would have opted out of the whole increasing the population thing. Of course, I didn’t, and in no way do I regret MY KIDS, but I do regret contributing to the state of the planet they’re inheriting.
Hmm…though, come to think of it, I’ve really done A LOT of their laundry.
Like, so much laundry.
So, that makes me feel a little better about the whole thing.
Seriously, though, I get how the expected life-path thing can seem like it’s mandatory and like if you skip a step or don’t follow it to the letter, everyone you’ve worked your whole life to make proud is going to fall the fuck apart and be heartbroken and disappointed and give you that look and you can’t stand to think about that happening but I am of the humble opinion that this is no time to bring a child into the world, for most people, but most especially for people who don’t know if they really want to or not.
And the people who love you will still love you, and they’ll adapt because they’ll have no choice. They’ll be fine.
There is nothing wrong with you. You might feel differently down the road. You might not. Neither feeling is good or bad. They are just what they are.