You know? I can almost be okay with your very biased explanations of each love language, simply because you’re a human being with the right to interpret these categories in whatever way you see fit. However, I take great offense to some of your judgmental blanket categorizations. Because the love languages aren’t just about romantic love. They are about how we interact within any close relationship. I’m not romantically involved with anyone currently, but I experience a great deal of love in many other relationships, just as, or more, important than that.
Let’s start with quality time. You call this “the right (and best) love language” and you refer to the people who claim this as their primary love language as “people with their values in the right place”.
Well, shit. Thank God I scored the highest here, so I’m not totally without a functional set of values. Oh, whew. My son, too! Shame about the daughter, though.
Are you serious?
Are you a parent?
Because my children speak completely different love languages and I promise you, neither is any less lovable than the other.
That brings me to physical touch, the preference for which implies, to you, uncomplicated, straightforward, and consistent-as-fuck people.
I’m going to go ahead and add that probably the majority aren’t survivors of physical or sexual abuse, or living with a sensory processing difference (such as an autism spectrum disorder).
OH, AND BY THE WAY — My daughter hates to be touched, especially casually and without warning. I’m pretty sure she complains about her touchy mom annoying her on a daily basis. I assure you, she is definitely not a narrow-minded monster by any stretch. She’s a child with extreme sensitivity to touch and a startle reflex that’s off the charts, and also a teenager.
You stepped out of the “entertaining OP making some less than valid but inoffensive assumptions” arena and right into “narrow-minded, self-righteous judgment” land with that one.
That’s just downright insulting. And physical touch is my number 2.
But my middle three are practically a tie, all one point apart. So allow me to quickly add my two cents on acts of service and affirmations.
I’m a single mom, with no family nearby (within 3500 miles or so). After my divorce, I was without a vehicle for over four years, trying to climb out of the hole my ex left me in. I would have loved to have time for goddamned quality time, but the people who showed they loved and cared about us were the people who HELPED. Who picked me up for work if I missed the bus, or watched the kids, or brought by a gallon of milk JUST BECAUSE. Not gifts; I gave them gas or grocery money. Acts of service. Not because I was avoiding connections or holding people at arms length, but because THEY WERE NOT AVOIDING THE SINGLE MOM WHO NEEDED HELP.
Because the truth is, most people pretended I didn’t exist.
I posit love language is often correlated with life circumstances.
Gonna guess again that you’re not a parent.
Because I am well-versed on internal vs external loci of control. As someone in recovery, I’ve had the ideology of “making our own happiness or misery” drilled into me pretty hard. I always look at my part in a relationship and work on that, rather than expecting the other person to ‘fix me’. But if you’ve ever parented a teenager, you know how absolutely precious and cherished affirming words can feel. Because they’re that rare, and often surrounded by actions that convey the exact opposite meaning.
Not because my teenager is responsible for the way I feel about myself, but because it’s not always easy to recognize that person you’ve been so in love with for so long under all that angst.
In closing, I notice you have a ton of followers, and that you dole out a ton of advice.
Well, you know what they say about power and responsibility and all that.