Thank you! My son is 9, my daughter 13. He is a gentle kid, empathetic, eager to please. Is he perfect? Hell to the no. But disappointing his mama devastates him. When he misbehaves, it takes little more than a disapproving look from me to motivate him to adjust his behavior.
My daughter is a fireball. She’s headstrong, and opinionated, fearless, and could not give less of a crap if I like it or not. She requires an entirely different approach. She has accused me of showing favoritism on several occasions, and the answer is always the same.
You are two entirely different people, with entirely different personalities, and learning styles, and strengths, and weaknesses. You each need different things from me. If I treated you the same, I would be doing you both a giant disservice.
Alex is sufficiently impacted by a little side eye. Alaina wouldn’t even REGISTER that kind of subtlety.
My job is to help two human beings grow into capable, productive, successful, HAPPY and FULFILLED adults who can navigate this planet independently. If I approached that task as if my kids were exactly the same, at least one of them would never achieve those things. I would not be failing me, I would be failing HIM. Or HER.
I don’t effing think so. Your son is right. Fair is everyone getting what they need. Not everyone getting the exact same thing. and happiness is not about getting everything we want. it’s about our ability to want what we have; to be content in that.
As usual, you called it.
nail. on. head.