Yes. It is very tempting to want to induce mania when I’m down by stopping my meds ( because they’re not working anyway, yo!)…I wasn’t diagnosed until I was almost 40 and had lost everything as a result of ( I know now) self-medicating my symptoms. Speed to come out of a depression, booze to come down off a manic episode. I started on lithium but hated it and I can’t even remember why. We did a few swaps and switches…these days I’m on a combo of lamitrogene and bupropian that seems to work reasonably well…my brain chemistry continues to be in sync with my body chemistry, though, and so my moods are very much tied up with my menstrual cycle. So once a month, the normal cocktail is insufficient. My psydoc wanted to add a third med but I refused and have kind of just resigned myself to a monthly mini-rapid cycle of sorts…usually a few days of up followed by the inevitable crash.

However, if my mania builds excessively ( we have defined this as remaining awake for over 72 hours, after which I start experiencing varying degrees of psychosis), I knock myself out with my emergency Seroquel.


So I try to never let it get that far.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

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