Yes. Ironically, most of my life I prayed for my father to die. We had recently started to build a relationship (I hesitate to say rebuild because I would not say we ever really had one before), because he and mom were still married and much of my anger at him was because of things he did to her (til the day he died)…but as in many alcoholic family systems, she wasn’t willing to leave him. And trying to not be in contact with him while still attempting to have a relationship with her was just too much. I imagine it would have been quite different if we hadn’t lived a whole country apart from one another.

in recent years, he had reconnected with his Vietnam band of brothers and had begun to see a counselor at the VA and I do think he was trying to change.

But I’m the first one to say I am shocked at how this has rocked my world. I always thought I’d just be relieved when he was gone. Grief is weird.

Thank you so much for sharing and for reading. :)

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

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