Well, I feel much better about it now. Because I have a pretty good bs detector when it comes to intent in recovery. If she had answered my questions, I would have known she was headed for relapse. Her NOT answering my questions should have been enough of a red flag, though.

Here’s the thing: I don’t really think she came here to screw everyone over. I think she came for the reason she said she did. That’s the ugly thing about addiction. Most of us start out with the goal of sobriety. She clearly was all about her pink cloud, now that I look back on her Facebook posts from a few months ago. Doing recovery things, with recovery friends. Women.

Then, she met a boy.

No more posts about her recovery friends.

Staying sober is crazy difficult, especially if you are trying to do it without a support system. And I mean NOT her family. Or her boyfriend. AND NOT MEDIUM. That’s why I suggested she commit to meetings in her town. Because when the urge hits you at 3 am, it helps to be able to connect with a physical presence.

She was/is an addict, and a dealer, and possibly a manufacturer from the looks of her record.

That’s a lot of life to carve out and have to replace. It takes constant focus and diligence for quite a while to stay sober. But getting fucked up is the easiest thing in the world.

I’m an addict. The freaking worst, when I’m in my addiction. I’ve been sober for a few 24 hours now, and I’ve done a crap ton of work to change the way I think, and how I perceive the world. Those two shifts in my reality allow me to be no longer in a constant state of withdrawal. I rarely romanticize the high anymore, and my default when I experience something I dislike or fear is no longer trying to score. But it took me years to rewire my brain around thinking and perception, and along the way I fucked up.

Like, a lot.


Yeah, I know. Nice, right?

I lost my best friend from college to my addiction, and in sobriety was blessed with the opportunity to reconnect. Sober, I managed to undo any progress we may have made. She’s never spoken to me again, and I can’t actually recall what happened. And I was sober.

JK wasn’t as up front as we would have preferred her to be, and her actions clearly made some people too suspicious to continue contact with her. And that is totally within their rights.

She was wrong to betray people here who have so selflessly given of themselves for her benefit.

You should never shit where you eat.

It’s a shame. ❤

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store