This Morning’s Terrifying Trauma Flashback brought to you by alto !

Dios Mio!

November 13th passed me this year for the first time without me even thinking about Alex’s lung bleed. I thought about it on the 12th, and again on the 15th, and actually felt guilty for not acknowledging the anniversary and thanking God once again for the old oilfield worker and first responders that day.

I think it might have been the “air goes in and out…”quote. Or the ABC’s…how backward my baby was that day. Blood coming out where the air should have been…so no airway. No breathing. No pulse. And no way to get air in.

I tried and failed. I don’t know how they made it work, and I guess it doesn’t matter. I believe infants are in many ways more resilient than we are and that resilience (speed of healing, or rapid brain development, I don’t know) is why my son is eleven today.

I guess I never understood how stacked against us the odds were that day.

I guess you can do everything wrong, or right, and sometimes it just comes down to a miracle.

Either way, at least you tried.

Ugh. Gonna go throw up now.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

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