For more than 30 years, I’ve dreamt about this child who might have come in early 1986. (This is selective sentiment — I never dream about the children who might have been born from other, later abortions for which I was responsible).
This is the only part of your piece that gives me pause. It is hard to feel sympathy for your grieving process and the lack of a support system when you so casually throw out a comment about subsequent unplanned and unwanted pregnancies you helped to create but did not grieve over. You don’t mention a number. Was it 2? 7? 20? In 1986 I was 13 years old. Still younger than you by a few years…but I know one thing.
I know condoms existed.
I know that after one girl becomes pregnant, and you feel pain at the loss of possibility that was attached to that pregnancy, there’s a pretty sure-fire way to avoid a repeat performance, but apparently, that wasn’t important enough to you.
I hope you at least paid for the procedures.