This is so sad and what I feel the most conflicted about, with my first, as well. And others.
I get it. That it’s not some preprogrammed assault gene boys have. They are going through puberty, too. Peer pressure is an ugly reality. What you two did devastated that guy. He was drowning in regret and 17 years old. And I feel for both of you, so, so much. And you’re my age so I know the 80s and 90s sexual climate you describe all too well. It is almost like you are telling my story.
I don’t hold any ill will towards my version of your guy here. NONE.
But we just have to be so up front with our kids about sex. Our boys, and our girls. We have to prepare them for peer pressure AND we have to teach them to never PRESSURE THEIR PEERS.
Because in 1989 (sixteen, right?) no one was talking to us except our peers. And I honest to God thought all those kids teasing boys who weren’t getting laid--the very same kids, by the way, who were teasing the girls who WERE getting laid--I thought they were just joking around. I thought they were harmless. I knew I didn’t LIKE them, but I didn’t think I had a valid reason for not liking them, so I pretended to.
Bullies who slut-shame young girls while prude-shaming their boyfriends are stirring up all kinds of nasty weather. And they enjoy the chaos they create. And we know more now. I think we can have an impact on this part of the problem. Truly.
Sorry for the total 2am ramble but you got me pondering. ❤