This is beautiful.
I know that unlearning behavior is a thousand times more difficult than learning it was, because unlearning and rewiring is intentional, and so much learning happens accidentally, via immersion, and that kind of behavior is so deeply ingrained.
That you have made it to a place where you are able to repeat, by rote, a different way of life-that you can let go of the obsessive thoughts that used to dictate your actions and enjoy turning that brain off, even temporarily, is a sign of incredible strength of character and I want you to know that though you say you can’t go back and help that little girl, I disagree.
You have helped her.
You have changed her.