That sucks. Sounds about like my marriage.
I think now though that the trick about the love languages (or the way to utilize knowing yours and your loved one’s), in my experience, has very little to do with getting our own needs met and more to do with meeting the other person’s needs. Therefore, if you both went back in time armed with the information,
My LL is acts of service. His LL is words of affirmation.
It shouldn’t hinder your need to take action or his need to be verbally affirmed for you to try to be mindful and remember to let him know when he is especially appreciated and loved…logically, those acts would fall in line with your gratitude whenever he met your needs by being of service and taking action.
Often, action oriented people don’t get added satisfaction from effusive praise or thanks; their satisfaction is with a job well done. That doesn’t mean they can’t GIVE praise and thanks for another person’s help. Anyway blah blah reverse all that for the affirmation people.
I don’t think the point of the love languages is similarity or compatibility so much as it is learning to adapt the way we show our love depending on how each loved one best receives it.
I wish you the best on the twisted road lol. ☺