Please do one of two things:
Read and implement Have a New Kid by Friday (cant think of author but google it. It changed my life)
Or (and i think really this is better for your situation)
Go to www.empoweringparents.com
Purchase a monthly membership for The Total Transformation. FOLLOW THIS PROGRAM. Renew your subscription each month until you complete and implement it.
I am telling you this because YOU STILL HAVE TIME to rehabilitate your family and enjoy being a mom again. I waited too long. My daughter hated her brother from day one. She TERRORIZED him. He went from worshiping her to fearing her to hating her. Their dad and i are divorced. To keep him safe, we literally set our custody schedule up so that they only saw each other on weekends. She couldnt even help herself for two days a week.
Her father enabled her to behave abusively towards me, as well, by providing her a car and allowing her to stay with him in order to avoid consequences anytime i tried to discipline her. She would storm out the door, peel out of our lot to his house, where she was welcomed with open arms and no questions. She tried to escape him the same way but i always made her return and face the music. To this day, he denies this causing any damage.
I got to the program her senior year, and shes away at school now and we are rebuilding our relationship. It is different than a typical mother daughter bond and that makes me sad.
She is slowly trying to make amends to my son, but i fear it is going to be too little, too late. She was a horrible sister to him. To be honest, she sounds very similar to your daughter. They’re bullies. No parent wants to hear that, but there it is. I swear to GOD that program can change everything, if you are steady and consistent and follow it to the letter. I will even mail you mine, if you want. I have an extra workbook (mine is from before it was online. It is a CD set). You can have it for the cost of shipping.
This is serious. When my daughter was 10 and my son was 6 she broke his collarbone at the after school program. She has beaten him, choked him almost unconscious, and told him to go kill himself REPEATEDLY and I UNDERSTAND how you feel but if my daughter was redeemable, yours definitely is. Don’t wait until she breaks him because they are never who they started out to be once they break. My son is a sweetheart, but he is also a 14 year old boy with complex PTSD.
I will until the day i die regret not acting sooner. Don’t be me. Don’t let your kids end up like mine did. We are all healing now, but we didn’t have to be.
Feel free to message me privately if you have questions.