OH YEAH, there’s not much I hate more than being praised in front of a group. Which is totally ego. I have a GINORMOUS ego (recovering alcoholic, and everything is always about me, don’t you know? )

I heard Sarah Silverman say something once that really resonated with me:

“We think that self-deprecation is modesty, it’s not. It’s self-obsession. There’s no room for anything else. You think Mother Theresa walked around complaining the tops of her thighs touched? I mean they didn’t, she was stick thin. Fucking bitch.”

I started thinking about things differently; why was I doing certain things? I realized that I tended to manipulate people by being really, really nice to them (among a million other questionable behaviors I won’t bore you with). Particularly really outspoken or blunt people, because I get my feelings hurt easily. So I’d approach the person REALLLLLY sweetly; I’d bring her a muffin or something, or a coffee..

I mean, I WAS JUST BEING NICE, RIGHT?

Well, no.

Once I started looking at my actions with regards to the outcome the OTHER person would experience instead of the one I was trying to plan for for ME, I finally, finally, OHMYGOD finally started behaving like me. Until then, I didn’t even know what that meant. I was constantly working the people in my life, so things didn’t totally unravel. Picked it up as a kid, I guess.

BTW I am not insinuating that you are like this in any way. I wouldn’t know; we’re just getting acquainted. But I could talk about my ego all day long. ;)

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store