Oh, H.

Can I just tell you that

I KNOW? I KNOWIKNOWIKNOW and I don’t know how they manage to hide that thing as well as they do.

That thing they are inside.

I DON”T UNDERSTAND HOW THEY DO IT

I don’t understand how they do it TO US WHO HAVE SEEN IT SO MANY TIMES BEFORE.

How do they still fool us? It terrifies me. And I trust NO ONE. Not really. Not for a long time.

I loved trust.

I miss it.

Did it feel like he was relieved, almost? When he realized that he wasn’t going to be able to sweet talk his way out of it again? When he realized that his “Poor me” victim act wasn’t working anymore?

When the facade fell did he seem glad? And then did he turn cruel?

That’s what my experience has been. They keep going with that desperate pleading tone, and they’re so sorry, it was just a misunderstanding; it was just MISMANAGED EXPECTATIONS…we can FIX THOSE.

Until they see you’ve figured them out. Then they relax. and let the real person inside there come out to play. It’s been so exhausting trying to keep up the illusion but now, they can say and do all that stuff they’ve been repressing and they are going to say and do it TO YOU.

Do you have to talk to him anymore?

Do you know about flying monkeys?

You just keep your issues close, girl. Don’t you dare let it get to you. And if you need me, I have NOT ONE FUCKING IOTA OF HESITATION ABOUT GOING THE FUCK OFF ON HIM AND LETTING IT FLY.

I’ll do it RIGHT FUCKING NOW if you want me to.

Because now?

I”M MAD.

He had the opportunity to walk away with some sort of dignity intact. Because you were allowing him that. Because you were extending him grace he did not deserve.

And if he’s failing to see that as a courtesy extended him and is instead turning around and trying to cast a shadow on the person who had the integrity to say NOT ON MY WATCH…because that person knows that if this becomes a place where people feel threatened, then it is of no use to those who need it, and that person is not willing to allow anyone to endanger the safe place she created…

not only does it make him just like any other narcissistic preening childish dink out there (DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU SICK DOUCHECANOE?)

it makes him fucking dangerous, and predatory, and fucking BANNED AND RESTRAINED FROM THIS PLACE.

I can do the same thing he’s doing to you, to him.

You just fucking watch me.

It’s been done to me enough that I’m pretty sure I can figure out the process.

Oh girl i am so goddamned mad.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store