Oh, dear one. My heart hurts for you. I do not know the particulars but I do know the despair that comes from toxic parenting. You can read some of my story here:
Now. I keep coming back to the line where you said you have to hate her, otherwise how would you be able to love yourself…
Boy, do I get that. The thing is, your feelings about her don’t need to have any relationship to your feelings about you. That is exactly WHY hating her is counterproductive. Hatred takes an investment. It expends energy. It is the opposite of what you want. Hatred is a tether. It is a connection. Hatred is the opposite of cutting someone out of your life. Hatred is carrying them around with you EVERYWHERE. It’s an unbearable weight. I posit the opposite of hate isn’t love. It is forgiveness. Forgiveness is not what it sounds like. It is not letting someone off the hook for harming you. Forgiveness is letting YOURSELF off the hook. Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to then love that person, or even care if they live or die. It just means you stop wasting your prescious energy resenting them. You LET GO.
And you set boundaries so that they can never harm you again. Forgiving does not mean reengaging with a toxic person. It means giving yourself permission to move on without your feelings about them coming into play.
I learned the really, really hard way. But when you feel up to considering the option, I’m happy to share some things that helped me to let go.
I promise, life’s too short to hate. Fill that place with something lighter.
❤ love to you, sister. ❤
Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. — Jonathan Lockwood Huie