Not Stupid, Just Stumped

Questions I couldn’t answer

Image for post
Image for post
What did my parents ever do without Google?

My kids used to think I knew everything.

Those were the best five minutes ever.

Since then, I spend a good portion of my time staring blankly at whichever one just asked me some question that might as well be:

“What’s the meaning of life?”

A couple specific ones come to mind:

If a pair means two of something, like a pair of socks, how can this be a pair of underwear?

If you make fake news ABOUT fake news, is that like two negatives make a positive, or is it like two wrongs don’t make a right?

That woman said the penis is her favorite body part. But women don’t have penises. So how can the penis be her favorite body part? (Thank you, Stephen Spielberg.)

Mom, am I just tweezing this ingrown leg hair every 8 days so it will have a nice place to ingrow back again (on lone hair that has plagued her since birth)?

and finally, because I am still rolling this one around in my brain,

Mooommm!!! Does our vacuum suck?


I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store