My point exactly. Unfortunately, we’re not talking about one or two women or a certain type of man. I mean, obviously that is ALSO true, but what I’m pointing out here is a perpetuation of a specific cultural atmosphere where men are hurting women (and not all of them…i might go as far as to say most of them… realize it. because it’s wrapped up in such long-tolerated and assumed behaviors it just seems normal), and the women who DO speak up are still fielding enough of a backlash for speaking up to discourage the great majority (i.e. me, perhaps) from following suit. Which continues the cycle of men not getting the message and continuing the behavior, and on, and on.

Systemic change is not easy, and it’s not swift. After an entire life of excusing coercion or even outright rape (as I’ve experienced both) to avoid say, my parents finding out something unbearable about their daughter, or them being embarrassed by any public outcry related to me, I find myself in the current situation: having raised a daughter who has been talked to death about what not to accept from a boy, and told to always speak up if someone hurts her. And at the same time, she’s been SHOWN that it’s easier on everyone if we just stuff it down and stay silent. How that dissonance has manifested in my daughter…she hears a story like the Weinstein story and immediately heads down the mental road of victim blaming.

Not a parental victory, at all.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

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