My mother is still married to my father. He’s too old and sick now to physically hurt her, though 3 or 4 years ago he was drunk and mad at her for not being somewhere when he thought she should be there and he got behind the wheel and she got in with him because you don’t tell my dad no.

He was going to show her. He looked at her, smiled that sick hateful smile he has before he chokes or punches or squeezes so hard he leaves bruises for weeks; all the while grinning that clenched-teeth grin, and he floored it.

Into oncoming traffic.

She wrestled the steering wheel from him and swerved to miss it and that was that.

He knew it would scare her. I still don’t know if he knew it would almost kill her, but she says she thinks he was trying to kill them both. The truck rolled 5 times. He had to be airlifted because he was bleeding to death (thin blood because of the alcoholism and drug addiction); everything with her was internal. He was drunk so he went limp on impact. Saved his life. She wasn’t afforded that luxury. Broke her collarbone and she had internal bleeding, bad. But she pulled through.

3 or 4 years ago. And she’s still with him.

she’s with him after saying, “I think that this time, he was really trying to kill me.”


So, if you are still lucky enough to have a mom (I didn’t get a sense of that one way or another), even though she stayed through such horrible stuff; even though she should have protected you kids and she failed at that…you should hug her and thank her for having the courage to get you out of there when you were still a kid.

They have it worse.

It’s hard to see when we are the vulnerable ones.

My dad told my mother that if she ever left him, he’d find her and he would kill her and take my brother. He didn’t want me. Pretty sure the implication was that i’d stay with her. Like, dead. But the thought of him alone with either one of us and her not able to run interference was even scarier to her than staying put was. And he would have done it, too.

But now? He’s a sick old man. He has no friends. They live in her home state, not his. So the huge family surrounding them is her family. None of THEM can stand him. She has plenty of support to free herself. He couldn’t get to her. But now, she’s so conditioned by fear (42 years worth of fear) that she stays anyway.

and hates him.

it’s so sad.

I actually wrote about him here, if you’re interested:

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.