Just echoing what some others have said about not putting up with him for another second, but i wanted to add a couple more things that may have already been said but they’re important enough to bear repeating:
- My oldest can be very cruel and abusive, and i know how easy it is to accept role reversals to the abuser’s benefit, just to keep the peace and avoid instigating potential conflict, but i am reminding you again…
- He is not listed undet owner in your mortgage documents
- He is not supporting (in ANY way) the household. YOU are. Your partner is. That means it really is YOUR home and you are the boss and what you say goes.
- Big one here: remember that “No" is a complete sentence. Stop explaining things to him in the hope that you can make him understand. HE UNDERSTANDS. But pretending to be clueless about super obvious, simple, common sense concepts like “contribute or leave" and “treat people like you want to be treated" is designed to drive you insane and protect the “clueless” from responsibility and accountability.
- Kick him out NOW. There are no more chances. I know its hard to turn our babies away, but you are keeping him helpless and useless and if he cant use you for all the essentials to get by anymore, he will have to be resourceful or hungry. Sometimes, we have to let them sink or swim. If we never let go, they never have a reason to learn.
- Good luck.