I think that BDSM is widely misunderstood, to begin with. Look at the book (which I know you didn’t read; neither did I, in full. But I read a decent portion of it.): The dominant is working out some sort of traumatic childhood; he HAS to be in control in his relationships; to the extreme. He has no choice. For him, domination is a need. He uses it to feel whole and normal and alive.

I think a lot of people look at the dom/sub relationship as one of power but when practiced by people who are psychologically healthy (or something like that), I think it’s much more about trust. I also don’t feel like BDSM is about gender AT ALL. Lots of women are dominant in the bedroom. Lots of women who are dominant in their everyday lives are submissive in the bedroom. And the same goes for men.

I don’t much care for torture porn/dungeon scene type stuff, with the ball gags and the drooling and the shocking and whipping and such; i’m not about extreme pain. But I know some people are, so good for them.

I think a lot of couples struggle with leaving the roles in the bedroom, and I guess that just takes practice. My friend and his wife are big on the “treat her like a princess/lady/friend/confidant in the rest of the house, and like a whore in the bedroom” philosophy and it works really well for them. They are two of the most intact people I’ve known in my whole life…

I dated a man who wanted to submit in the bedroom and that was really different for me but it was surely character building.

I feel like because of porn, the whole philosophy has a misogynistic aspect socially, but individually, I believe when practiced the way it was meant to be practiced, it can do wonders for a person’s overall well being. Is that weird?

I’m probably weird.

But Fifty Shades just perverted the hell out of the concept and drowned us with it. Bummer.