I think it is not a big deal, but I did think about ( but didn’t mention) what Tamyka is talking about--that projection is used in more ways than one, and it’s often unconscious…and in a personality disordered person, even the accusatory “gaslighty” type (made up words lalala) may be an unconscious manipulation.

The bottom line is that they are both manipulative behaviors with the possibility of causing harm.

In my personal experience, while projection has certainly been embedded, the gaslighting I’ve been victim to, by my father, brother, and most notably the exes, has been more of a long-term attack and projecting more of a present moment manipulation.

A big one was “crazy”. My ex is a screwed up dude but he somehow flipped our lives the other way for public consumption. He would do something ( run his car into my garage after I enforced the same rules of custody he was enforcing, then call to tell me he needed my new landlords number because he ran into “his” garage. When I said no, because I knew he would mess up my relationship with my landlord, he went anyway, then called and thanked me for giving him permission to “make amends”. When asked how he wrecked, his story was that his car had slipped into gear while he was dropping the kids stuff on the porch (something that has NEVER happened in the history of cars). He has never in 7 years wavered on that story, and more was added in as time went by. That I was being unreasonable, that he never said I couldn’t just drop by the house and see the kids, that I was the one who made that rule so he couldn’t stop by to hug his kids…we were at a ballgame once and my nephew, 3, was being chased up and down the bleachers by my son. I said, “Alex! Come sit down!” and Steve yelled, “Are you telling me I can’t see my son!!??!”

Everyone looked up. I hadn’t even known he was there. I guess Alex had been heading down.

I had never kept the kids from him, not ONCE.

He took them from me for 4 months when he knew I had no way to stop him.

But suddenly I looked like the vengeful ex wife using her kids as pawns.

So all of that was like public projection I guess.

I don’t know why that example reared its ugly head.

Ugh. Now I’m mad. And I didn’t even answer the question. But I’m done. ☺

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

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