☹ I’m sorry.
There was a time, not that long ago, that I had to make the difficult decision to not allow my mother to be with my kids without me there.
I love my mother, so so much, but the truth is that rather than make a mess that may be noticed by outsiders, like divorce, she chose to stay with us in a violent situation. And though it was my father who acted unpredictably, often injuring one of us and always leaving some sort of scar, rather than address his behavior, she taught us how to adapt to it. It is a lot like the way college campuses teach girls to avoid being raped, rather than teaching boys not to rape.
The Gods honest truth is that nothing has changed. If it is just her and my dad and the kids and he walks in hellbent on hurting someone, I can’t trust that her first instinct will be to get my kids out of there. Instead, I imagine her teaching them how to become invisible so as not to poke the bear.
I don’t know your situation, either, but this is something that led me, as a mom, to take a similar ( though less drastic) action to your kids’.
I want you to know it sucked. Big time.
If my dad ever kicks the bucket, mom will have full Nana rights reinstated. Or if she leaves him.