I’m reading your description of MOM and all I can think is NPD. Narc parents are the cause of so much damage and pain. My father was my narc parent. He was also my abuser; my alcoholic parent, and he hasn’t changed. My mother has stood by me, and I love that woman fiercely. But it is not without its own brand of damage. I have never known someone as damaged yet able to go on as my mom.
I think we get here however we get here, but I think the main reason we get here is that we are survivors. Even my mom. Maybe especially her, even though, or perhaps because, after has attempted to kill her multiple times, she still stays with the bastard.
Would it surprise you to know that between my ex and me, that I am the one with the DV record, and he with the victim record?
One of the court’s cruelest jokes, I guess. Because I learned as a child to keep secrets, and he learned to wage war. The DV lists me as a 'danger to myself' because he drove me to attempt suicide. I guess he is a victim of that.
He has my children for half their lives. Because his sickness is malignant narcissism and he is very adept at being just that, I’ll never get my kids completely away from him. The best I can do is counter his influence with as much love and truth as I can pack into them.
It’s pretty exhausting and I wouldn’t have it any other way.