I hate this feeling. All. The. Time.

I hate feeling like I have to stop demanding to be paid for the first two weeks in my new department because leadership is getting sick of having to tell me no over and over. I’m irritating them with my persistence. Never mind THAT IS MY MONEY.

I hate that I’m giving up on it because I don’t want to be a squeaky wheel. Because i don’t want to get a reputation as a rabble rouser.

I hate that I just used the term rabble rouser.

I hate always feeling deficient, and defective, and distracted, and depressed.

I hate that you know the feeling.

Because I like you. and I think that you are a fixer, not a destroyer.

And I imagine you think the same about me

but in my family I am the instigator

even though I only instigate by refusing to instigate.

I think the world’s gone crazy and I’m way too tired to try and think anymore today.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

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