I get it. And i know with both of my kids i have worried about whether one day they would tell me they were gay. Or trans. Or anything other than cis and hetero. Because we love our kids, and invariably any such announcement is practically a guarantee of them having to face complications and difficulties in life that will cause them pain and no one wants to see their child suffer. Especially in ways we haven’t experienced and could never fully understand. So i get all of that.

I wanted to touch on your final item, though, and just try to reassure you by saying, I DON’T THINK YOUR SON IS CONFLICTED ABOUT WHO HE IS.

He’s 15! He is self-assured enough at 15 to come out to his parents! Can you even imagine how much courage that took? He is strong. And he is brave. And he is able to face and overcome his fears in order to be himself in the world and not have to hide who he really is.

He TRUSTED you, believed you would not desert him once you knew.

He is not conflicted. Conflicted people hide, and lie, and sneak around to keep their secret.

And the reason he doesnt have to do that is because of the father you have been to him. Be proud. Of yourself, and of him. And trust that the reaction he cared about most — yours--showed him acceptance. What anyone else does, as long as you have his back, will never break him now.


I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

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