Humanity’s Infinite Loop

Once upon a time, I was arrogant enough to think I might write a book about parenting. It would be about the things that couldn’t be taught. The things that had to be experienced firsthand. And the total insanity of parenthood, which makes all parents think that they will be the first ones to succeed where every parent in the history of humanity has, up until now, failed.

What I realized not much later was that I could write enough books to fill a library and still not even scratch the surface, because you can’t teach teenagers a goddamned thing.

The teenage years basically boil down to the older human turning on the stove and telling the younger one not to touch the burner because it’s hot, only to be interrupted two minutes later by same said younger human screaming bloody murder, whole hand fused to that very same burner.

The older human will invariably be blamed for the incident, the words “I hate you” will make an inevitable appearance, and that will be that.

And it will happen approximately six million more times, until finally, the young one leaves for college or rehab.

This process will play, on repeat, until forever.

Don’t get cocky.
That’s all I’m sayin’.



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I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.