he was my only friend at that point. i talked to him for hours every day, and we were in different states. when he disappeared, OMG i missed him like i’d had a part of me ripped out. i wrote him long letters for well over a year. i was all alone. I thought. But it wasn’t really true. I had people who loved me, they just weren’t him and i wanted him. eventually i started giving them a chance. it was hard. it was devastating. but it was feelings. feelings aren’t facts, and emotions aren’t emergencies. perspective shift is required to move beyond this but it is very possible. you are being far too hard on yourself. stop expecting everything to be either fine or awful. things will change a ilttle at a time. there is no perfect answer. but just look at all the people who have reached out for you.

he is not with them.

think about that.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

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