Gotta let ‘em fall. And then, you cannot be there to pick ‘em back up again. Bottom is a lonely place for a reason. If my mom had not finally said no more, i would be dead today. If i hadnt had to claw my way back to the land of the living, i would have kept digging until i was dead.
Its been almost eleven years, and i have kept the same job, raised 2 beautiful children, and stayed sober and i have a life because she finally stopped saving me.
You wont be abandoning him. And he might cut you out for a few years once he realizes you wont be guilted into giving in anymore. But for both of you, it must be done. I promise.
Edit: For what it’s worth, i tried to convince my mom to stop covering for and cleaning up after my dad, too, but she never was quite brave enough to defy him. He died of an oxycontin overdose in 2017. He didn’t have to.