God, how scary! I’m so sorry to little you. :(
I have said it before: I truly believe the words I’ve endured were worse than the blows. Because the words were vicious and said with intent to degrade me and destroy my sense of self and my reality, and they did. They got inside of me like herpes…when I’m spiritually fit and in a good place mentally and emotionally, they can be largely dormant. But if I’m overworked, or overwhelmed, and I’m letting just the tiniest bit of my self-care fall through the cracks, it takes no time at all for me to have a flare up of all the cruel, ugly words that men have hit me with throughout my life. And all those old insecurities creep back in. And I stop wanting to do anything but pull the covers over my head and then i feel guilty for being weak and I start saying those words (in my head) to myself. And things just escalate.
That is what words do to me.
The punches and pinches and smacks and squeezes don’t re-injure me like that.