Fellow ACOA here, and I do this, too. It’s like I start every conversation with the assumption that the other person will automatically think I’m lying and then set forth trying to justify my position, before anyone has even questioned me.
It makes me seem insecure and desperate and i hate it.
This used to REALLY happen a lot with my kids, because their dad had them believing that if i did something differently at my house than he did at his, i was wrong and irresponsible and if they followed my rule, they were breaking his and therefore disloyal. It took me 6 years to realize he wasn’t the boss of me (we have 50/50 custody) and to take my best friend’s advice to “stop explaining everything to your kids and remember that “No.” is a complete sentence.”
It is still hard.