“Keep your temper”, said the caterpillar. — Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

“She drank from a bottle called DRINK ME
And she grew so tall,
She ate from a plate called TASTE ME
And down she shrank so small.
And so she changed, while other folks
Never tried nothin’ at all.” — Alice, by Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends


The best and worst thing about ADHD, for me, has always been hyper focus mode. If I can manage to kick it into gear when I’m working on something productive and meaningful and enjoyable, sometimes I amaze myself. When I’m working with a new data set, for example, if I’m lucky, I’ll fall so far into it that no stone will remain unturned. I am able to see relationships and connections that I’d likely overlook if I wasn’t so engrossed. This mindset is one I strive for. Unfortunately, it seems that far more frequently I get carried off by some mindless distraction that doesn’t even concern me. I usually refer to that as being lost in a rabbit hole, and tonight, I’ve been lost in two.

Rabbit Hole Number One: While Reading on Medium

Unrest amongst us here on Medium is something I see every couple of days, to some degree. I totally expect this, and I usually don’t really even acknowledge having noticed. But sometimes, the layout on here can be a little sneaky. Tonight I was just going straight down my reading list and I happened to stumble upon a response to another person’s comment, and the respondent was pretty upset.

I realized that I was kind of in agreement with person one, until I realized I had no knowledge about why there was any unrest in the first place. I consciously reminded myself not to judge (or support) any of them because

Well, first off,

because it’s none of my fucking business. But even if I chose to ignore that little detail, I can remember this one:

Dude. I’m here to have fun. And to learn. And YES, I’m absolutely here to speak my mind about things that matter to me. But none of the people taking part in the discussion (which, damnit, I couldn’t seem to stop clicking through in reverse just because I WANTED TO FIND THE BEGINNING. Which had very little to do with finding meaning, or understanding why, and lots and lots to do with my OCD-ish need to both START tasks and FINISH them before I can do anything else)…

As I was saying before I so rudely cut myself off back there, no one participating in the emotionally-charged thread even bothered to ask me for my thoughts on the subject.

THEY DIDN’T ASK. I just thought I’d repeat that one.

And I find that a significant portion of arguments like the one I was reading through today start pretty small-just two people in disagreement, and suddenly, they have three. Then the third wheel finds back-up too, and this continues, ad nauseum.

and if that’s you..if your life goal is to experience other people’s drama vicariously by burglarizing their conversations,

STOP IT!! Go pick a fucking fight of your very own and leave theirs alone! If it’s between two capable, intelligent adults with differing viewpoints, GTFO and let them do this dance.

Of course, it’s different when someone is being verbally assaulted, or bullied, or truly victimized in any way at all. Please step up in that situation and do what you can to stop what is happening as fast as you can. Call for reinforcements. If anyone doesn’t know the difference between what I let my curiosity suck me into tonight (argument between two people on what seemed a level playing field who had conflicting beliefs about some serious topics, but who were able to stay above the belt) and the kind of “argument” that could result in jail time, or a restraining order. (Where one party clearly has no respect for the other and feels entitled to say, do, or take whatever they want regardless of the damage that results) let me know.

I’ll school ya.

So anyway, I fell into that rabbit hole and stayed there way too long. Over an hour, I think. Deciding to write about it gave me the oomph I needed to focus my attention elsewhere…

Rabbit Hole Number Two: Looking up Alice and Wonderland shit for “rabbit hole” themed essay about losing myself in a metaphorical Medium-based rabbit hole, wherein I find myself basically reading through Lewis Carroll’s entire acid trip, single quote by single quote, and I’m reminded how truly fucked up Alice’s story is, and I begin to contemplate whether or not I want to keep describing my experiences in terms of rabbit holes so I start doing a little research to find a worthy replacement metaphor, and….

So, you see how that next one got me, right?

Stick a fork in me, y’all. I’m done.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

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