Be gentle. I miss my high school best friend SO MUCH. But my life went off the rails after college. Got into drugs, drinking, knew she was doing well, was too embarrassed of my life to return her calls…quit, got married and had 2 kids and got sober and finally felt like I was not going to be a big disappointment, and then GAINED 100 LBS, and she was still beautiful and I was embarrassed for her to see me. Lost the weight but also the husband and everything else bc of addiction (not drugs but…) so was skinny but wanted to get my shit together before I saw her bc I was ashamed. finally got shit together but gained 60 lbs and am ashamed…

She seems to have a beautiful life and I feel like it would be weird to try and be part of it now, with all those years between us.

But I miss her so much.

I’m just saying, she may just not know how to transition from how you were together when you were those girls to how the women you are now would be. She may be deeply ashamed. She may feel like your friendship was the best thing she ever had and be terrified that it would be different, and less-than, now.

Maybe the idea of never being more than distant acquaintances, such a difference from the bff’s you were, feels worse than nothing at all.

These are all reasons I won’t call my friend, though I think about doing it all the time.

For a YEAR, her company was building an addition to my worksite and we were literally 50 feet apart every day. She tried. I was ashamed.

I never saw her once. shes never met my kids (12 and 16). I’ve never met her daughter.

I know this pain. And I’m sorry you hate her. ❤

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store