Bare in the Cold: Alaska Winter Wardrobe Conversations with a Teenager
Or, Chuck, I’ll take I just became my mother for the WIN!!
I had a conversation with my 14 year-old about her outfit this morning. It sounded a little something like this:
Me:
Put some pants on, please.
Her:
Oh, geez. You’re right! The snow came down about a mile on the mountains last night. That means it must be below freezing outside. It would be ridiculous to go out there with nothing covering my legs. Good lookin’ out, Mom!
IN MY HEAD, I MEAN!
It sounded like that in my head. When I planned it. Life is always so neat and tidy in my head. Hence, the medication…
Out loud, the conversation went more like this:
Put some pants on.
I’m wearing these.
Okay, you can wear them under your pants.
Yeah, except I’m not wearing pants.
Put some PANTS on!
No!
Do it now.
Mom, it’s not that cold.
Alaina!
No!!!
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I am calm. So, so calm. And I continue:
FINE. I’ll put some shorts on, too. I need to ask a question in the office, anyway.
Mom, you can’t wear shorts to my school. You’ll look all…old.
Watch me.
FINE! I hate you!
***she snatches her jeans out of my hand, staring daggers at me. I smile sweetly and say,
That’s okay, as long as you hate me with pants on.
If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. My mama didn’t raise no fool! Of course, you’d have maybe thought differently in November 1987, when this conversation took place the FIRST time.
