Awesome work,Dennett .

watching her, watching him was the worst part of the hearing for me. because I knew that she knew. and that sneer, and that petulance, and that rage that so shocked the nation--it was definitely something she was intimately familiar with.

my PTSD was triggered (like many of us), because his behavior was like a slap back in time, to my marriage, to a now ex- husband furious that I dared disagree with him (because disagreeing to him was me telling him he was stupid. because to hold a different opinion of a thing was calling him wrong and he could never be wrong), throwing the remote across the room, or punching a hole in the wall, for which I was to show gratitude because he had the restraint to hit the wall instead of my face.

A flashback to my 2 year-old son, who had climbed up on a kitchen chair and now stood tall, arm out and finger pointed, to scream “Daddy! We don’t TALK to people that way!”

and he was right. but you see? I was not a PERSON. I was just a WOMAN. Daring to defy a man.

MISSUS Kavanaugh was not going to make that mistake. NOSIREE! Because for a little while at least, his rage directed outward made her an ally instead of the thing that was getting in his way with her thoughts and opinions and ideas. For once, he was mad at THEM, and she got to be WE instead of YOU.

it is why his new wife aligns herself so closely with behavior she knows is ridiculous and unacceptable. I did it for a little while. it’s why when my daughter (rightly) assigns his behavior as “tantrums" and his psyche as “immature" she attempts to normalize him as “passionate". She just wants normal. If she hasn’t figured out by now that the only way shes going to get normal from him is to sacrifice herself to his crazy then I can’t help her.

but also, I dont have to sit back and watch her condition my children to be abusers and abused. because I didnt fight like hell to get out, even as he ruined my reputation and damn near my life, just to have him find another pawn to parade in front of people he thinks matter to show how sane and mundane he is, with their two little hostages.

I have a limited scope, only half of their lives now, to show them it’s not okay to have to temper their responses to avoid provoking a monster. they have no choice but to adapt to survive him. unlike me, they cant leave. but by showing them a different reality is possible when they’re with me, maybe I can offset the trainwreck coming.

I feel for Ashley. being an oppressed and abused wife in the public eye must be horrible. but I hate her, too because she has an opportunity I never had. he ruined me with the snap of his fingers. she has a whole nation of women who would stand beside and believe her if she would just have the courage to speak. She could be the face of a movement, and she stands beside him.

silent.

when so many with NO RESOURCES at all have had the guts to walk away

and I cant forgive her for that.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

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