As someone going through trying to forgive someone who did some pretty horrible stuff to me, I would like to add that when you have inflicted harm through particular cruelty, try SPECIFICITY when you apologize. My brother gave an “I’m sorry I was an ass” type of apology after saying terrible, terrible things (this was after no contact for 2 years, even though although I was the one hurt I had tried with no results to set up multiple opportunities for our children to nurture their relationships in non invasive ways, and the apology only came when he had to tell me our father had died) and I can’t help it-his apology was incredibly lazy. It took him serious thought to come up with all the hurtful words he threw at me. It should take at least that much effort for him to make amends for them. Until I hear from him that he was wrong for the specific false accusations, and insults, and curses he found appropriate that day, I can’t begin to believe he is sincere. I have those words in my head forever. If he can’t even face them enough to directly acknowledge and apologize for them, how serious can he really be?
No. He just wants to “put it all behind us” and I’m sorry, but I just can’t without knowing he actually understands the harm he inflicted.