As a mother who has known the pain of their absence, you have been given the gift of a type of gratitude a mother who has always been there cannot even comprehend.
Pain and joy are inversely proportional. Unless we have seen ugly, it’s hard to recognize beauty.
When my kids were taken, and I had lost my home, my marriage, and my job and really, I wanted to die, I asked my sponsor when it was going to be okay again. She said, “it already IS okay. You have a place to sleep (treatment), you have food to eat, and people who love you (in the rooms). It IS okay. It just doesn’t look like you think okay should look.”
My ex husband had discarded me in the cruelest possible way, ensuring no path back to my life. About this she said, “Someday you’ll get to thank him for the gifts that come from this.”
Anyway, I didnt punch her, and 10 years later I still despise him and he is still a dick but she was right.
I have indeed thanked him for the gifts that came from rebuilding my life and learning to be a different kind of parent than he is, or than I was.