I have two mailbox keys. One works, one doesn’t. Every day when I check my mail, I AM ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT I AM CHOOSING THE RIGHT KEY. And every, single day, I choose the goddamned wrong key first. Yes, I could just remove the offending key from my key ring and fix the problem once and for all, but then how would I make checking the mail interesting?

I was trying to go off of memory and planned to fact check when I got back to my desk from the bathroom where I was responding to this. But, of course, by the time I’d walked the 200 feet from the lavatory to my cubicle, I’d completely forgotten I’d even written it.


I should take George Costanza’s advice and just do the opposite of everything that I think is the right thing. Except, if I’d decided to do it that way, somehow it would have ended up LIBEL again because I do it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

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