Argh Jules that just makes steam come out of my ears!
I can’t even imagine. My father was altogether different in that way. I wasn’t ( and still am not) possessing of any sexuality at all as far as he was concerned. He had porn all over the house and forced my mom into loud sexual activities directly over my bedroom my whole childhood, so I was very aware of sex early in, but he beat me when I accidentally walked in on him in the bathroom when I was nine and my eyes came in contact with his furiously erect penis…you know, for SEEING HIS PENIS. I never opened another door without knocking.
I couldn’t nurse my daughter when he was in the room. I still can’t say boob, or tampon, or period in his presence and I’m 42.
Because being female was shameful and not to be discussed.
Your father did a monstrous thing and it makes me want to vomit even now. I won’t say he’s a monster. He’s not mine to name.
But god. I’m so sorry.