And if you somehow manage to find one that’s comfortable, and lifts and separates and supports without cutting the rest of you in half and you fail to buy 10 of them right then and there, rest assured that once you’ve worn it completely out, tattered beyond repair, you’ll find that bra has been permanently discontinued, never to be found again.

I cried when my last good bra broke. I wrote it a goodbye letter and requested a moment of silence on Facebook. It’s been almost 5 years, and I’ve been sagging or holding my breath or sweating and powdering ever since.


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