All so very true. Also the main goal in addiction recovery. Earl Hightower does an amazing AA talk about this exact subject. It is something I am forever trying to help my daughter to see even though I realize it’s really not something you can tell another person. It’s something they have to realize on their own.
I control 2 things, period: my attitude and my behavior. Put another way, how I act, and how I react. Everything else is somebody else’s side of the street.
That encompasses so much, though. It decides the kind of person I am. Giver, or taker? Helping, or harming? Happy, or unhappy? And it influences others' behavior as well. If I have an unhealthy attitude about my partner’s fidelity, am constantly jealous or suspicious, accuse him of lying about things or look through his phone, I might just cook myself up a self-fulfilling prophecy. For what?
It’s like the Prince in Into the Woods says:
“Worrying will do you no good. If he’s fine, he’s fine. And if he’s been crushed by a giant, well, there’s nothing any of us can do about that, now, is there?”