My dear girl. I have been exactly where you are, many years ago. Sadly, more than once. Please hear me now and avoid going through this pain ever again because there is NOTHING like it.
If this letter is an accurate portrayal of your relationship, DO NOT GO BACK. Even if it feels like you’ll die. Even if he begs. No matter what.
I’d bet the farm that you have been experiencing narcissistic abuse. It sounds like he is DEFINITELY suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I’m going to go find some links for you with good information about NPD and I want you please to at least read one of them. If, after that, you don’t think I’m onto something then you can tell me to piss off. But just give it some thought. Okay?
The things you are describing are NOT OKAY. AND HE IS THE SCREWED UP PARTY NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE (and his mother) TRIED TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE IT WAS YOU.