absolutely not. most guys don’t. like i said, i have a few instances i will not take all responsibility for where i ended up, because someone had ill intentions. meant to hurt me. but those other times, whether i remember them or not, are on me.

my sexuality is on me and i own that.

but you’re right. you had a different experience. my best friend is like that and we discuss it a lot; the way she was raised to know she inherently had great worth. she would have never allowed herself to be treated the way i expected I was supposed to be treated.

i was not raised to believe i was inherently worthy. in fact, i was not raised even to believe i could earn the right to be loved. i was a straight A student who did everything and excelled in all of it and received zero credit for any of that. i just kept being told i was nobody, and nothing.

that is because my father is completely immersed in the ideology that promotes rape culture. he’d NEVER understand that. he’d never understand that by beating my mother and berating her and focusing all of his rage on her and me, while catering to and high-fiving my younger brother for his conquests and treating him like a king that our home could be a microcosm for a world that raises girls to feel like nothing and men to feel like they own them. and i believe that attitude is far more prevalent than some want to believe.

now my brother treats his wife the same way. she is someone who was raised to believe she mattered and he is terrorizing that right out of her.

it’s fucking sad.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it to be spelled right and punctuated correctly. I guess that’s something.

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